Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor.

So last night when we got the message that the seller had counter-offered, we were sort of getting frustrated. It just seems like at every turn, we are meeting resistance and we are not sure if that's just part of the process or if its someone trying to tell us to move on and let it go.

Fast forward to church this morning. I had volunteered to drive our golf cart/shuttle so we got there early. They were handing out the new directories and it was the annual poinsettia "in memory/honor of" day where they print all of them in bulletin. So while I was driving, LB went on up to church and started reading through the poinsettia list. When I got there, she pointed out that the seller's realtor had gotten a poinsettia in memory of someone. We looked up the realtor in the directory and saw who she is. Since we have gotten several names of contacts through church, LB wondered if the same would hold true for the seller. So we turned in the directory to the right page and, lo and behold, there she was.

Not only does the seller's realtor go to church with us, but so does the seller. So all through church, we were trying to decide 1) if she was at the 8:50 service with us (we think she might have been) and 2) do we just walk up and introduce ourselves or what?

I had to go drive after church, but LB talked to our pastor who said she thought that we should mention it to our realtor and see if she can facilitate a meeting or at least getting the information to the seller. She also said that the seller is a "dear" who would probably think it was really neat and would like to know that there is a connection between us.

So, I reiterate, tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Oh, and P.S. our realtor thought that the seller meant that trying to take the wallpaper off the walls in the kitchen would potentially damage them, but she was going to check today.

SN

House update

Yesterday afternoon, our realtor let us know that the seller had agreed to the higher price but paying some of the closing costs. We signed the new offer last night and this afternoon, got a counter offer back. Basically the seller wanted to clarify a few things - that the carpet would stay (but be protected while the wallpaper and painting was happening), that the walls would be painted the antique white by Behr (which is fine with us), and that all the wallpaper would be taken down except for where it was already painted over and where it would cause "serious drywall damage" to do so. 

Did you hear the record scratch, because that's sort of the sound we heard when we read that part. So now we are asking questions. Does that mean the wall by the stairs (where it is already peeling off and the wall behind it is not in great shape)? What will you do if you can't (or, it seems won't) take the wall paper down, just paint over it?  When (and by whom) is the decision made that it will cause too much damage?

We have asked our realtor these questions and are now waiting for a reply before we move forward.

SN

Faith is not simply a patience...

... that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope. - Corazon Aquino

I think we are really trying to live into this idea lately when it comes to finding and buying a house. We found a house we really like last Sunday. We had looked at it online but were not terribly impressed with what we saw. Then we drove by and it's one of those houses that looks way better in person so we decided to go look at it. Once we got in there, we just kept feeling more and more like we could live there and that it fit our life - or at least what we think our life will look like with children and the like. Last Friday or Saturday the seller had upped the purchase price by about $10,000 and stated that they were going to take off all the wallpaper - a very good thing since it was straight out of the 1970s - and repaint the entire interior. They were also going to rip out all of the old carpet (again from the 1970's, but not in bad condition) and replace it. Since we will be moving with a small herd of doggies, we kind of don't need the new carpet - plus we can do something different like hardwood or laminate later on.

So Tuesday, we sent an offer to buy it for the original asking price (before they were going to do any work) but that would include them taking all the wall paper down and painting the walls is neutral color that we would agree to. We also wanted them to pay all of the closing costs. Wednesday afternoon, we got a counter offer (which was not surprising.) They wanted to pay 1/3 of the closing costs, the paint color to be "antique white" and the purchase price to be about $3,500 more than the original. We counter offered that the paint color was fine, they paid the closing costs, and the price is $2,000 more than the original. Yesterday we got word that the seller had declined that offer and wanted to move ahead with the carpet.

So we're not sure where that leaves us. Basically, we think that since she is being stubborn on the bottom line - she would take $2,500 more than original but not pay any closing costs - she at least wants us to believe that the wall paper and painting is costing that much. I'm not sure I buy that, but it wouldn't be surprising since there is a lot of wall paper and some of the wall will need skimmed and stuff. If it is costing her that much, then her counter leaves her $200 in the hole by paying 1/3 of the closing and upping the price. The other thing is that we're not sure how it will appraise - even with new paint - and how that will affect the bank giving us our loan. When it comes right down to it, as long as we can get the loan for it, I think we like it enough to be willing not to squabble over the difference.

But....... like so many other times when life seemed to be in a bit of upheaval, we have that strange calm that whatever happens - we get it, we don't; we pay a little more, we pay a little less; it has new carpet, it doesn't - it will be fine. We have been (and are and will continue to be) so very blessed and know that there is a plan and purpose for our lives. We are trying to live into the "blazing, serene hope" that come from our faith and is brought to the forefront of our lives this time of year (and especially this year in light of recent events) when we are remembering and celebrating Christmas.

SN

All great changes...

... are preceded by chaos. -Deepak Chopra
(Otherwise known as month 5 and 6 updates)

That statement pretty much sums up life right about now. Since last we blogged, which I admit whole-heartedly was far too long ago, we have looked at roughly every house for sale in (or approximately in) our price range in town. Ok, that might be a slight exageration, but we have looked at a lot! And the overall impression when leaving most of them was, "Eh, it was ok but...." Followed by at least a handful of reasons why we couldn't possibly live there. There have been a handful that were fine initally, only to be thought and mulled over and then considered not acceptable. There are at least a couple that are at the top of the list and we're working on deciding between those.

When we started this whole process, I thought we were really not going to be that picky - we just wanted a house that we could see living in for some years, bring Flash (and her future siblings) home to, and that was comfortably affordable. I guess we are more picky than we thought. I guess that really shouldn't surprise me too much, though, considering the time we had picking a donor.

Speaking of Flash: she is growing and getting stronger each day. In the last two weeks, especially, she has been really active anytime I am fairly still - sitting in class, standing and talking to a group of students, laying down at night - particularly if I have been up and active for a time before that. LB has gotten to feel her at least two or three times, last night being the most recent, when I lay on my stomach and she puts her hand under my belly. The latest ones were by far the strongest and I'm starting to see where it could get old really fast. But I'm trying so hard to just enjoy these moments and not wish to be through them or that they weren't happening.

So that's the quick 5/6 month update. Hopefully once the holiday stuff all slows down (not to mention the house stuff, if we get that all figured out) we will get back on track with the blogging. Until then - Merry Christmas!

We're making our lists.....

For those of you who don't know my wife, let's just say she has a knack for sorting. As of this moment, we are re-sorting (and counting and making an Excel sheet of) the baby clothes we already have. We sorted them once - into size and girl vs. neutral/boy - before we knew that our dear little Flash is a girl so now we're going back through them to get out the blatantly boyish ones. You know, the ones that say "sweet baby boy" or something like that. Since we were going through them anyway, LB wanted to record the numbers - you know, to see what we really need as far as sizes or types of clothes.

Although I would really like to laugh at her and make fun, I can't help be glad that she is taking charge of this organizing stuff. She has made lists - with due dates and phone numbers and everything - and remade lists. She has read the books, kept up with all the pregnancy changes (even helping me calm down when I didn't know something was supposed to be happening or normal), and mostly just kept us sort of moving along this path towards mommy-hood.

I think I bring all this up because I didn't do the whole "what I'm thankful for" facebook post or series of posts and am maybe wanting to get those thoughts down somewhere.

And at least near the top of the list, if not at the very tippy top, is my wonderful LB. The road we have taken to get here is anything but straight (maybe pun intended?) but I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is my rock and her love and support help me to be so much more than I could ever think of being on my own. She believes in me to the end - even when doubt and fear and hopelessness is all around - and I know that she is in my corner and has my back forever.

Of course, in the middle of - oh crap, never mind, I'm over half way through this thing - our first pregnancy I have to be ever so thankful for Little Flash. She has already changed our lives and I know that she will continue to revolutionize what we call life and love and dreams.

The last big thing I'm thankful for is our family. When I think of all the people out there in the world who can't love who they love and have their family, I truly appreciate how amazing and wonderful our families have been to us. From the get go - ok, maybe not the way-back-ten-years-ago get go, but definitely the four-years-ago get go - they have been nothing but supportive and loving.

Sure there are plenty of other things I'm thankful for - a free country, an awesome church, more than enough (if we're really honest about it) money to be comfortable, a great job, etc. - but these three things are the ones that have been mostly on my heart and the ones that have been needing to be expressed.

SN

Houston, we have a pronoun.

Ok, so first off - we suck at blogging. There, I said it and everyone knows admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Now the big stuff - as of last Tuesday, Flash is a girl. Actually, she has been a her for about 19 weeks, (Holy crap, yep we are in the 22nd week) but she gave us a great "diaper shot" that let us verify it.

We put together a little video as a way of telling our families and such, so here is the link to that. You will want to have the sound up to get the full effect.

Here are a few other fun pictures from that day....

Next on the big stuff agenda, the reason we have been so sucky at blogging. Most of the time - especially since school has started - we try to blog on the weekends. It's just that our weekends have been pretty crazy lately with attending open houses each of the past three Sundays. We currently live about 25 minutes from my school in a small town that was about 25 minutes away from LB's job in another small town. Last May, she got a job in the same town my school is in so we have been planning on trying to move since then. In the middle of October, we met with a realtor and on Halloween we got pre-approved for a loan. Ah! So the past few weeks - on top of all the crazy baby stuff - we have been about waist-deep in house hunting. We have had to adjust and readjust our thoughts about location, size, amenities (like basement, 2-car garage, etc.) but I feel like we are in a really good place as far as knowing what we can afford and like and want. We meet with the realtor again tomorrow to view a few more houses that haven't been on the open house tour we've been on.

Needless to say, nearly every waking hour since Halloween has been filled with searches and online photos, decisions and dreams. It seems so strange to be thinking about moving - especially when I'll be about the size of a small country when we actually get to the moving date - but exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I think we have decided to do all these huge, scary things all at the same time so we don't have to do them again for a few years and we can have the normal, boring, life-with-a-newborn/toddler time without worrying about moving or anything. Ha!

Anyway, that's the quick version of the three or four week hiatus we've been on. W promise to try to do much better with keeping up in the future!

SN and LB

By SN

Monthly Questions 4

First up, the monthly check-in questions (by SN)
 
Foods that are making me queasy:

Nothing much, really sugary sweet things if any thing

Foods that I am craving:

Vinegar, pickles, olives, meat, Kentucky Fried Chicken

Strangest snack:

Miracle Whip on roast and noodles

How I am feeling physically:

Pretty good, I really only get tired during the evening but as long as I keep moving, I’m good. Once I sit down, it’s over.

How I am feeling emotionally:

More weepy, up and down, all over the place

Sensory over-load:

Touch – everything feels like it’s stretching (probably because it is, I know) and I just cannot get comfortable (which I am sure will only get worse)

What we're excited about:

The baby can hear – or is getting ready to be able to – so we’re excited to be able to talk to him or her.

What we're nervous about:

This all seems to be going really fast – it’s already the middle of October!

If I could be granted 3 wishes:

1. A pronoun

2. A good home for some kitties

3. Better sleep – LB has been practicing the get-up-for-an-hour-in-the-middle-of-the-night and I am having some CRAZY dreams (and they haven’t all been good)

 

Now the fun ones:

When I wore my first maternity outfit

Saturday, October 6, 2012. I know it was this day because we went to see LB's mom and do a little shopping at the thrift stores in KC.

Finding out gender

We thought we might be able to this week, but alas the child would not cooperate. So we will wait until November and see if he or she is a bit less modest. I say that if we can't see then, we just not find out at all. LB isn't so keen on that idea.

Things I did that were out of character

Bought three dresses. Looked at (and probably will buy) tights. Pulled up 'hair and beauty' category on Pinterest. Ate grapes for my snack (especially out of character since LB was eating corn chips for her snack at the same time.) Park as far away from the building (especially at school) as possible.

Predictions people made about gender

I'd say it is about 50/50 girl vs. boy.

How I feel about getting bigger

Since I lost three pounds this past month - and yes, it is fine for me to do that - I am feeling much better about my little belly.

Project nursery

We have been throwing around the idea of doing light gray walls, either white or dark wood furniture, and then bright, primary colors for the sheets and bumper and stuff.

How I feel about people touching my belly

I wouldn't have known how to answer this question three days ago. But then one of my students - a dear, sweet boy who is glad to have both of his hands still - came up to me in the hall and put his hand on my belly and said something along the lines of "Awwww, look, your little belly is sticking out." Like I said, he is glad that 1) I like him and 2) he still has both of his hands. :)

Schrödinger Revisited

By LB

 

We didn’t have cooperation from Flash on the self-revealing poses yesterday. We realized that we have a new "cat in a box" which is that our child is either a boy or a girl and we can't know which it is until we make an observation, essentially making it both girl and boy at the same time. Okay, enough with the nerdiness. The next appointment is in a month and we’ll have a big ultrasound (with an actual ultrasound technician) where they will measure everything and make sure everything is growing normally. But we did get another chance to see that beautiful beating heart and those wiggling arms and legs. And they are much longer legs than they were last time we saw them!

 

I've been trying to find the best way to express this thought but nothing seems to be coming together too eloquently so I'm just going to write down my thoughts. And it's probably easier if I just state bluntly what I mean rather than trying to be polite and use innuendo and context to express my meaning. So bear with me.

 

It seems unimaginable to me that this baby is here because of a vial of sperm, a doctor, and a medical procedure. It feels like such a part of me that at times I have to remind myself that SN is not pregnant because I got her pregnant. It was not a private, passionate moment between the two of us that created our Little Flash. He or she is not physically mine, but is mine in so many other ways already that I can't imagine that I wasn’t an integral part of the creation of him or her.

Hopefully that makes some sense. We’re working on a month 4 update so check back soon!

Pregnancy brain, round ligament pain, and lightening crotch; Oh my!

By SN

Disclaimer: This is probably the first (of many.....well, at least a few, I'm guessing) post that might be a bit too 'up close and personal' for some readers. Feel free to skip this one - at least towards the end (and I'll give you a warning) - if you think you are one those readers.


This week a few of my favorite friends made their reappearance. After feeling phenomenal last week - I mean, I didn't take a nap for a week and a half - my dear companion on this journey, fatigue, dropped by again (and, may I say, overstayed his welcome.) In addition, he brought along nausea and lack of appetite as well. The most welcome (hear the sarcasm here?) return guest has been pregnancy brain. The following are a few of the more memorable instances in which my brain had apparently left my body.

Exhibit A: We were going over to eat supper with one of my co-workers and his wife Saturday night. They made lasagna and we were to bring the garlic bread. So, we get around and head out the door and LB just stops in the door way. I had gone to the kitchen to take a glass or something and I couldn't go out the door because she was just standing there, staring at me. Finally (and I'll admit I was the slightest bit grumpy about it) I asked if she was going to move or what and she said two simple words, "Garlic bread." Oooops.

Exhibit B: I saw on Facebook that one of my other co-workers' wife was due on October 17th - the date of our next doctor's appointment (and hopefully, when we find out what pronouns to use for Little Flash) - and I told LB because I thought it was neat. She - about 2 minutes later - asked me, "It's their second, right?" I had to ask her about 12 times what she said and finally was like, "I have no idea what you are talking about" before she had to remind me about our conversation about my co-worker. Wooooow

Exhibit C: (I saved the best for last) Sunday morning, LB woke up with a stomach ache and a headache. So, being the wonderful wife I am, asked her if she needed anything. She thought some coffee sounded good, so I went to go make it. I got the water (the filtered stuff since we got a new coffee pot recently), four scoops of coffee (since we're making less because I'm not drinking it anymore), and pushed the button. A few minutes later, she got up to go get a cup and found a hot pot of..... wait for it...... clean, clear water. I seemed to have forgotten the essential step of pouring the water into the coffee maker. Epic pregnant wife fail.

In addition to all our old pals, some new friends dropped in to introduce themselves. First there is round ligament pain, whom I can deal with ok by watching how I move (no quick, jerky, twisting movements) and bracing myself when I sneeze.

With all the company we've had around here, it's amazing that we're still super excited - especially for the 17th - and totally loving this entire journey.


**Warning: potential TMI ahead**

The real fun has been what pregnant ladies the world over affectionately refer to as "lightening crotch." That wonderful and surprising feeling of being kicked in the cervix. Now I realize that Flash is probably too little to be kicking with much velocity and that I can't register even the ones he or she does land, but there really isn't too much of a better way to describe it (that is, unless you can imagine a what a sharp stick to the hoo-haw feels like.) I do have to say that I have been fairly fortunate as most of the strikes have occurred at home in the evening, luckily not in the middle of a lecture on say, oh, resolution of force vectors into their components.

A second, yet equally as fun, TMI visitor is what I've been calling "lightening boob." It is basically the same sort of stabbing, flaming, exploding wonderfulness as lightening crotch, just in a different anatomical area. That has actually been around for a few weeks as I remember vividly calling my sister (who has a two-year old) one evening about a month ago asking if my breast was supposed to feel like it was shooting flames - the answer, if I heard correctly through all the laughter, was that yes, that can tend to happen (in case you were wondering like I was.)

Monthly Questions 3 (a week late - see a trend?)

First up, the monthly check-in questions (by SN)

Foods that are making me queasy:
            Cereal

Foods that I am craving:
            Apple juice, fruit, meat

Strangest snack:
            Nothing too unusual this month

How I am feeling physically:
            Not nearly as tired but my ab muscles feel like I’ve been doing 200 crunches

How I am feeling emotionally:
            Mostly pretty excited but somewhat worried and overwhelmed

Sensory over-load:
            Smells still

What we're excited about:
            Finding out if it’s a girl or boy

What we're nervous about:
            Moving, money… the normal things

If I could be granted 3 wishes:

1.      Win the lottery

2.      Find the perfect house, have enough money for it, and be moved in and settled without worry (wait, is that three in one?)

3.      The ability to take a nap and get things accomplished at the same time (that’s really LB’s wish)

Now the rest:

Celebrating the end of 1st trimester

We sort of celebrated this weekend by going to a corn maze. I guess that’s about the extent of celebration – well, that and not being buried in laundry and dishes since I’ve gotten my energy back and can actually help around the house.

When I wore my first maternity outfit

I work my first maternity pants a few weeks ago. I had been doing the whole “rubber band” thing, but then tried the maternity pants. Once you go there, you don’t go back! I have not, however, worn a maternity shirt yet.

How I feel about getting bigger

I’m feeling pretty ok. I always gain weight at the end of the summer so when I was 10ish pounds heavier at the first pre-natal appointment than I had been at the regular check-up in March, I sort of freaked out. But at the last one, I had only gained 3 pounds so I’m ok with that. The worst part is not fitting into anything I own anymore – or getting there quickly – and having just given away (within the last six months or so) all my “big” clothes because I hadn’t been wearing them.

Finding out gender

We are going to find out – hopefully at the next appointment in October – because 1) I don’t think LB could look at the ultrasound and not be able to tell and 2) it will be so much easier to shop – not necessarily for us, but for the grandmas and aunties! J

 

 

This baby is going to be brined.

By SN

While we were eating lunch at Cracker Barrel this afternoon, I ordered my regular turnip greens with vinegar. As I was (quite thoroughly, thank you very much) enjoying them - ok, ok, and maybe drinking the wonderful juice left at the end - I thought about all the foods I've really been enjoying the last few weeks and how they reflected on my German heritage. Besides the greens and vinegar, I have savored quite a few not-so-sweet (or at least semi-sour) things. For a while, the only thing I could drink was orange juice - I know, that's sweet but it's also sour and tangy, cranberry juice (the real juice not that cocktail stuff) and more than a few McAlister's pickles - minus the rind because it was gross.

So in the middle of my pondering, the following quote came out of my mouth. "This baby isn't going to have soaked in amniotic fluid for nine months, it's going to come out brined." To which LB replied, "Blog title?"

At least we're having some fun with all this, right?!?

Speaking of fun, the last few days have been a blast. We had our second doctor's appointment Wednesday and got to see Flash's flutter again (see: Flash's flutter, the sequel) and his or her gymnastics's abilities (Olympics 3032?.) Additionally, we could see fingers and arms and brain (two hemispheres!) and skull and spine. I have to admit that I was so enthralled by watching that little flutter that I sort of forgot to look to see if there were legs and toes, but LB assures me that there were. I also sort of figure that since no one in the room said something like, "Oh my goodness, where are the baby's legs?" that they were there.

We had decided a while ago that we were going to try to wait to tell "everyone" until after our 11-12 week appointment. So once everything looked good - actually, "perfect" according to our nurse, but who's bragging? - we went back to school to let the cat out of the bag. The amazing woman who is my school's book-keeper/money magic lady had known that we were pregnant since the day we found out (basically) and was so ready to tell people. She was so cute because she went flying into the other office with the attendance secretaries and assistant principles and just started running around to everyone telling them.

That night we went "facebook official" and the response has been amazing. I'm up to 96 likes on my picture and I think 40 comments or so. LB has about half (which is good because she is a lot more picky about her friends and only has about half the number I do) and my mom and sisters are right behind her. It has been fairly interesting who has and who has not commented or anything. I guess somewhere inside, I knew not everyone would be terribly excited (you know, since we're not a "real" family or something like that) but it does irk me a little that people can't be at least nice about it. LB then noted that maybe those people were just following the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" mode of operation. My main thought on all of that is that if they don't want to be a part of this amazing and wonderful journey and don't want to know our awesome little Flash, then I don't want them anyway. Plus, that just means we don't have to share him or her with as many people and that means more baby cuddling for us! :)

Thursday and Friday at school and Saturday and Sunday at church (I get to drive our church's golf cart/shuttle sometimes and Saturday was one of those) were so much fun! It's sort of been this roller coaster of us being so excited in July, but not being able to tell too many people, to it sort of being just a normal thing until the middle of August when we told our families. Then, because they were so excited, it was exciting again for us - or at least a new exciting or something. Then we got into the school routine (and I wasn't feeling great - more on that in a bit) and it sort of waned again. Now, in the last four or five days, it's been through-the-roof exciting again with all these new people getting in on the excitement and being able to talk about it and share it. In fact, I think my cheeks hurt from smiling so much for the last few days. I know there will be a dip again as everyone adjusts and the "new" wears off, but then it's finding out the sex - hopefully in October or November - and then the holidays, hopefully (if it's in the cards and everything works out) moving after the first of the year and then, (holy capes, Batman!) little Flash will be joining us.

I know that they will (because that's how life goes) but I hope the next six months don't fly by so fast that we forget to enjoy them. I think that's the biggest thing I'm worried/anxious/thinking about lately - enjoying this trip as we take it and not getting too far ahead of ourselves. The next hill on the roller coaster will be there when we get there so my hope is that we just enjoy this moment and not miss it for trying to prepare for the next drop.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to put up our new pictures. Here you go!

Measuring 4.48 cm (about 1.75 inches) and right on track for March 31st.
If you look really close, you can see a few of those cute little fingers
on the bottom hand.



Although this one is a little monkey-ish, the dark spots in the head
are actually the two hemispheres of the brain. I like how Flash is all
"Hey there, what's up?" with his or her little left hand raised.

Flash Is Now A Fetus

By SN

After ten weeks, which we were through as of yesterday, the embryo is no longer depending on the yolk sac for nutrition but is instead being supplied by the placenta. Basically, that means I officially have a parasite.

       

Along with his or her definition change, Little Flash has begun to assert his or her "being-hood." The most notable of these assertions is that he or she is no longer content being squeezed into my regular pants. This became quite obvious Sunday. I had worn some cheap, yoga-style maternity pants to go to school and work on Saturday morning and just left them on all day. They were really comfy, but they were yoga pants - hello? Sunday I decided to try my one (and to the point only) pair of "real" maternity pant -dark jeans - at church. You know, a test run. I knew my others were getting tight and I had been doing the whole rubber band through the button hole thing last week so I wanted to try to go to the mall and get a belly band. For those who don't know, it is basically a tube top that you wear over your belly to help hold up your pants that you can't fasten anymore. Target didn't have my size - Grrrrrr - so we had to go the real maternity clothes store.

When we got there, they were having a sale on jeans so I thought I'd just look and try some on. I found one pair that were pretty cheap and fit really well (with room to grow!) Since they were buy one get one half off, it seemed silly not to get another pair - especially since I can wear jeans everyday if I want/need. Before I looked for those, however, I did really want to get a belly band. So on went my old pants and O.M.G! What had been slightly snug through the fly and needing a rubber band around the button were no longer going to even begin to think about zipping. I was shocked. I simply could not believe the difference. It was like once Flash got some legroom, he or she was not about to go back to being squished into anything else. Luckily, with the belly band (and the rubber band) I think I can wear them a few more ........ weeks? days? hours?

 Then came the moment. That "this is too close to home, freak-out, hyperventilate slightly" moment. They have these wonderful pillows at the maternity clothes store that you can strap on your belly to try on clothes to see how they will look and fit when you are bigger. Out of curiosity (and I'll admit now, stupidity) I thought I'd just slide that thing under the flap of my new jeans and try her out. I didn't even get a look in the mirror before I was literally stripping it off in the middle of the store. I looked down, saw this bump sticking out of my non-maternity shirt that I have had for years, and suddenly couldn't breathe.

 From what I can recall (and some is blurry due to lack of oxygen) the following thoughts ran through my head, "Holy Batman (ok, ok, it was probably a little racier than that, but we'll keep it clean)! This is sort of really happening and I'm going to look like that and there's a real little person in there growing and making me look like that. And O.M.G. they are going to come out of there and then we have to keep him or her alive and clothed and fed. And crap, they are going to need a bed and a room and some stuff. And crackers, (again, trying to keep it clean) they a probably going to want to go to college and drive a car and do sports or dance or band or something. And I can't hardly stay awake a whole day now so how am I ever going to be able to do all that and not sleep. And, wait a minute, haven't we been talking about having more!?"

 It was at that point that I realized I was ripping the belly pillow off and LB was laughing. I began to breathe again and some of the hysteria left. I think that it was worse because I had (finally) read the part of What to Expect about labor. I have sort of been putting off thinking about that part of the whole deal but LB convinced me that it was the unknown I was worried about so the earlier I read about it, the more time I had to get over any freaking out and to ask questions. So Saturday night, I sat down and read the whole labor part. I really didn't freak out too much - which was surprising - but I think some of that came out Sunday in the maternity store.

 I was going to write today about how amazing I have been feeling the last couple of days (I attribute it to not being smashed into my regular pants.) Until Flash decided to assert some more personhood today. I was going to be so very productive on my day off. I had a list and I was going to get it all done. Then Flash decided that we needed a nap. So, ok, not a big deal I'll take a nap. Five hours later, it's 2:30 and I haven't eaten or done a blasted thing. Ok, so I have like 6 hours before LB is going to be home - plenty of time. Go eat some lunch, and then - no, Flash I can't take another nap! Your mama is going to be really upset if I don't get some things done. Ok, well maybe another short one. And here we are - 6:30, only one thing on the list done, LB is home, and she is warming supper. Wife fail. :(

 

Monthly Questions 2 (a week late)

First up, the monthly check-in questions (by SN)

Foods that are making me queasy:

Water, Twizzlers (just being in the same room with them), Cheezits :(

Foods that I am craving:

Orange juice, bacon, KFC, chicken nuggets, Taco Bell

Strangest snack:
            The inside of a pickle
How I am feeling physically:  

Tired, raw (throat from having a cold, muscles, skin, everything)

How I am feeling emotionally:
            Tired, up and down, loved and taken care of
Sensory over-load:
            Smells, I’m extra aware of clothes (especially pants)
What we're excited about:

Our next doctor visit, getting started on thinking and planning for Flash, moving to a different house (even though that’s probably still about 5 or 6 months away)

What we're nervous about:

School, telling the students, leaving my students, finding a sub, moving, money, having too much stuff, delivery (no wait, that’s terrified….)

If I could be granted 3 wishes:

1. No more coughing.

2. The all-in-one, automatic people cleaner like the Jetsons had.

3. A crap fairy who will come get rid of everything we don’t need and organize what we do need.

Now the others

The secret’s out - order you shared the news:
            SN’s mom, sister #2, grandma
            LB’s dad, step-mom, step-sister
            LB’s sister #1
            LB’s grandma
            SN’s sister #2
            LB’s mom, her boyfriend, sister #2 and brother in-law, and other grandma
     * See the videos on Flash's YouTube channel
Questions I asked at 1st doctor’s appointment:

Not very many because he answers our questions before we ask them. We did ask about the rash SN had (which turned out to be a rough case of chiggers).

1st ultrasound - what I saw, how I felt:
            A little flutter!!!! Relieved, overwhelmed, holy crap


Predictions people made about gender:

LB – girl

SN – undecided, leaning towards girl

SN’s mom – undecided, family history would say girl

SN’s sister #2 – wants a boy but thinks it’s a girl

SN's sister #1 – boy

LB's sister #2 – boy

LB’s dad – boy

LB’s step-sister – girl

More updates to come…..

Rona

By LB

Last night I had my first dream about Flash. Well, three dreams really. In the first one I had our newborn daughter at my grandparents' old house. My Grandpa, who died in 2009, was there and I was showing her to him and telling him that we needed to decide on a name for her. Suddenly my newborn spoke a single word - Rona - which was to be her name.

In the second dream I was nursing (even though it wasn't my baby....) our baby while sitting in an office chair. Suddenly it squirted out from under my arm behind me and fell onto the floor.

In the third one I forgot the baby at home and when I realized what I had done and went back home I couldn't find her.

After that dream I woke up SN and told her about my dreams half in tears. The last two were bad but the first was really neat and it makes me think even more than I already did that we're going to have a girl.

Is it normal for the non-pregnant partner to have crazy pregnancy dreams or was it just the Taco Bell?

Flash Has a Flutter

By SN

 

Today was the day. We have been anxiously awaitng today since we made the appointment, I think. Today was the first OB appointment. Since we had just been there in March for our regular appointment, the main show for today was the first ultrasound. Honestly, I was hoping for two things - only one little Flash (although I would be fine if there were more, just might take me a while) and to see that little flicker that means heart beat. I knew we probably wouldn't be able to hear it as Flash is way to small, but I just wanted to see a little flicker that meant we were doing ok in there.

And, even though my birthday isn't for a few months, I got my wishes. Little Flash (notice it is singular) is in there and his or her little heart is just a thumping. Thank you, Lord!

Icing on the cake? Dr. MB sent us home with not only an ultrasound picture (or two or three) but short video clips of that beautiful little flicker going to town.

So I assume it is at this moment that I become "that" lady - the lady who has to show you the newest pictures of her "cutest" little one. Bear with me, I hope to have it out of my system at some point in 20 to 30 years. :)

The lump at the top is the yolk sac and all the black around is
fluid. He decided to circle the baby in this one so
everyone would know what they are looking at.



CRL is Crown to Rump Length and by that measurement,
we are at 7 weeks and 2 days today.

The little flutter




Another picture of the baby (on the right) and a different shot
(on the left) that the doctor used to calculate the heart beat.
Notice the heart beat is 148 Beats Per Minute.

What now? Well, we have another appointment in 4 weeks and that would should send us home with a much less alien and more baby looking picture. Other than that, the next three days are going to be CRAZY with me starting school and us - between now and Saturday - telling our whole family. If you happen to hear a strange sound coming from the KC area on Saturday, it's probably just going to be LB's mom being a little bit excited. We are going to try to video the moments we tell them, so we'll update next week with that.

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

By LB

I have to say, probably not for the last time, that I am amazed and awed by all that is going on inside of my wife from moment to moment. We read something earlier today that said that Flash is forming 100 new brain cells per minute right now. No wonder SN is exhausted! She and God are building a brand new being - heart, body, brain, soul - from scratch! So many things I have heard in the last few weeks, from scripture passages to songs to hymns at church, have revealed new meanings and contexts that they have never had before.

The last week has seemed to have flown by and here we are, starting week 8 - almost done with month 2! This is going to be a big week. SN goes back to school Monday (the kids start on Thursday). Our first ultrasound appointment is on Wednesday. Thursday we are going to have a birthday dinner for SN's mom where we will share the good news with most of her family. Then Friday night we will travel to my dad's house. Then Saturday we are having a multi-birthday celebration with my mom's family. Then it's back home on Sunday for Pride Fest.

I love being excited for Monday!

Blog fail

By SN

I can't believe it has been a week since we updated this. Whoops!

After my little freak-out with the morning sickness last week, I tried to just have a calm, quiet week. We saw my mom and sister and niece on Wednesday, which was only a little tense due to my mom's pregnancy radar. She didn't say anything, but that doesn't really mean anything.

Friday was our one-year anniversary so we took a little day trip to St. Louis. We spent most of the day at the City Museum. I was reminded again of how amazing LB is and why I couldn't imagine doing this pregnancy thing with anyone else. When we got to there, we realized that parking in downtown St. Louis is not quite as easy as it is in downtown Columbia. Thank God for my dear, sweet, patient wife for putting up with my parking rage, mood swings, and mini-meltdown. After we got in and I settled down, we had a great time and it was nice to just hang out together.

Monday was LB's birthday so we went out to eat and kind of just chilled most of the rest of the weekend. That was a good thing because I'm pretty sure I wore myself out and needed to rest.

This week has been about getting back into school mode - boo, hiss - and trying to rest while I can. As for the morning sickness, it was gone for a few days but has come back with a vengeance. I had been able to manage it pretty well by snacking on some crackers or something when I started to feel queasy. Starting last Thursday, it's been more of a constant, underlying nausea no matter if I am eating, not eating, needing to eat, or just ate. So that has not been fun. Sunday, we got some of the sea sickness bands that work on the pressure point on your arm and I have worn them the past few mornings on the way to work and they seem to help. Of course, I look like I have been hanging out with Richard Simmons, so I can't wear them around other people. I've been wearing them in the morning and that seems to get me through to the middle of the afternoon and then I have been putting them back on when I get home (mostly while I have been napping.)

We are t-minus 7 days until our appointment and half the time it feels like the days are just dragging by and the other half I need them to slow down. Ha! I sort of guess that is another part of parenthood that this nine months are preparing us for.

Morning Sickness

By SN

Sometimes I really have to laugh at life.

Saturday we ran into Nurse Surge at the store. I know we've talked a bit about why we love our doctor and his office, but this encounter really sums it up. She asked how I was doing and I told her that I had been sick off and on, but we were learning to be pro-active about it, eating small snacks and stuff like that. She said she was glad I had been sort of sick - which, honestly, I had been too - because that was a good sign that things were doing what they were supposed to.

Sunday at church, I said a very similar thing to one of the dear ladies who has been on this journey with us when she asked how I had been feeling. During church (the theme of which has been "Going Fishing" this month,) the pastor was telling stories about fish cooking and asked if we could smell it. Well, I almost imagined too well and was close to having to leave. I had a little snack (from the looks on their faces, I'm sure the old guys collecting the offering really appreciated my need to be eating crackers) and was feeling better. We had a big lunch and then I took off to go get the dog (see Pregnancy Brain 1, SN & LB 0) and I grabbed a Coke on the way to help get me back home before I needed to eat again.

Not only was I not sick when I got home, I wasn't hungry all night. So I didn 't eat anything last night (I know, I know) and I wasn't sick at all last night or this morning. So much for my "good sign."

So this morning, I pretty much freaked out and spent a good 45 minutes looking up how bad it is if your morning sickness goes away overnight (it's really not anything that can be a predictor one way or the other) and reading other ladies horror stories.

I got to eat lunch with LB and just talking to her and sort of acknowledging how worried I am and how much I really want this to work and for our Little Flash to be ok and on the way helped. I also have been reminding myself of a few of God's promises - the one that keeps going through my head is from VBS about 8 years ago: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your path straight. Yeaaaaaaah, God!" (I don't know what version they got it from since I've never seen the last sentence in any of my translations. You also sort of need the rhythm/beat that goes with it to really know what's been in my head but I'll save all of you from that terror.)

The other one that has been working on me is from Psalm 139: 13-16.

¹³ You created the deepest parts of my being. You put me together inside my mother's body.  ¹⁴ How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well. ¹⁵ None of my bones was hidden from you when you made me inside my mother's body. That place was as dark as the deepest parts of the earth. When you were putting me together there, ¹⁶ your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. You planned how many days I would live. You wrote down the number of them in your book before I had lived through even one of them

It's been sort of calming because I know that it's true for any little one that's working on growing inside me. I know that what ever happens with this pregnancy, it will be fine. Even though I freak out a little (ok, ok, a lot) sometimes, at the center of my being I know we'll be fine.

Pregnancy Brain 1, SN & LB 0

By SN

This afternoon I had to go halfway to Kansas City to pick up my sister's dog so he can stay with us while she goes to NYC. Since LB is on call, we took both vehicles. My Jeep's air conditioning isn't working so we switched cars after church and she took my Jeep home while I took her car on to meet my sister.

One problem: Her house keys are on the key ring with her car keys (which were on the way to meet my sister with me and her car) and my house keys are on a lanyard that I keep in my purse (also on the way to my sister with me.)

Ooops.

We'll chalk this one up to hormones (and hope LB forgives me at some point for having to break into the house.)

All growth is a leap in the dark...

... a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience. - Henry Miller

By LB

When we were having all of the doctor's appointments the week before insemination I missed work several times. During that time I had told the other vet at work why I was missing so much work and what we were doing. So every time she saw SN over the next few weeks she had this big smile and curious expression on her face, waiting for any news. So the night that SN told me she was pregnant I texted her to tell her the news because I knew there was no way I could wait for long with her!

Yesterday SN watched her two girls, 4 years & 18 months old. After work I went over to her house. She mentioned that she had an infant car seat that she didn't need anymore and asked if we wanted it. We said it sounded like a good idea and she took us downstairs to show it to us. As she was showing us the buckles and bases and instruction manual and infant inserts I started feeling utterly overwhelmed with it all. I mean, it's one thing to be pregnant, but it's another thing entirely to start acumulating baby items! I looked at SN and could tell that she was experiencing a similar type of hyperventilation. I told my coworker that I was completely intimidated by the idea of getting a car seat and she laughed. She offered to keep it at her house for a while until we felt more ready for it.

Picking up that car seat and carrying it up the stairs to the car felt like one of the boldest steps I've ever taken - even bolder than choosing a donor or getting the IUI done. So we now own an infant car seat that is in beautiful condition. I believe it's still in the back end of SN's Jeep.

Monthly Questions 1 (a day late)

By SN

About a month ago, we spent a weekend nerding out on pregnancy journals. And basically came to the conclusion that

a) there are none for lesbians

b) the ones that try to be really suck and

c) we are too picky to just pick one.

So, since we're sort of doing our journal on here, we're just going to answer the questions we like. We are planning on doing these every four weeks (approximately at the end of each month.)
 
First up, the monthly check-in questions:
Foods that are making me queasy:

Chinese apparently (we had it last night and it didn’t sit too well), coffee on an empty stomach

Foods that I am craving:

Not meat - veggies (especially green veggies), fruit juice

Strangest snack:

Grilled cheese made with brown mustard on the bread, cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, blue cheese, and honey inside; eaten with a ginger ale at 9:00 pm.

How I am feeling physically:

Tired, nauseous, tender

How I am feeling emotionally:

Disbelief, worried, forgetful

Sensory over-load:

Smells were really strong yesterday - perfume, food, gas station hot dogs. LB opened a package of gum and it was really strong.

What we're excited about:

Going through the process of growing a baby

What we're nervous about:

Going through the process of growing a baby J

If I could be granted 3 wishes:

1.      Another blood test so I can nerd out on the numbers and maybe help put my mind at ease

2.      Restful nights of sleep for both of us (and maybe some naps too)

3.      The ability to keep my big mouth shut

Now for the others
How we knew I was ovulating:

I peed on a stick, well that and watched my ovaries through ultrasound

Who we told we were trying:

A few people at church and a few other friends

We've been trying to conceive for:

We actually got pregnant the first month we tried

When we first thought I might be pregnant:

We didn't really think I was but there was maybe a little rush of it one morning when one of the dogs threw up and I almost did too. But it might have been the hormone shot.

Lightning Bolt thought (or at least hoped) I was when:

I was seriously nauseous in the car on Friday July 20.

My biggest fears:

Throwing up, squeezing that baby out in 9 months. I know too much physics and it goes against all the laws of physics.

Our thoughts about becoming parents:

Excited, terrified, blessed to be trusted with such a huge important job

I can't wait for:

August 15. We don’t want to rush through everything but at the same time I want to see the ultrasound. I think it might help me be able to breathe again – I sort of feel like I'm holding my breath. But then again, I’m not sure parents are ever really able to breathe so that may not be a good one to wait for.

When we plan to spill the beans:

August 16 - SN’s mom, grandma, and one of her sisters. We’re going to give her mom the “wrong” present with a onesie in it (for her niece) that says “First grandchild Oldest Cousin.”

August 18 - LB’s family. We’re going to give her dad a Royals shirt with Grandpa 2013 on it and we’re going to take a picture with the rest of her family and right when we take it, instead of having them say “Cheese,” have them say “SN is pregnant.” We’ll also have something for SN’s other sister that says “I’m going to be an Auntie Again.”

Another 5....

By SN

At about 9:15 this morning, the doctor's office called with the results of Wednesday's blood work. It was 5 again (still?). So the nurse (we'll call her Surge) wanted to know if I would be up for one more blood draw to see what the heck was going on. So, shortly before 12:30, off I went - poor left arm, it's been abused this week. The doctor had this one done STAT (per my request because otherwise that would be a LOOOOOONG weekend!) so the results were due back sometime this afternoon.


Around 2:45, SN got a phone call that went something like this:

SN: "Hello."
Nurse Surge: "Hi, Supernova. How are you doing?"
SN: "Pretty good, I think."
Nurse Surge: "Well, we got the results of your blood test back."
SN: "Oh, yeah?"
Nurse Surge: "Yeah, and you're pregnant."
SN: "I am?"
Nurse Surge: "Yep."
SN: "Holy crap!"
Nurse Surge: "Ha, ha! You went up to a 45. Now, it's still early."
SN: "What the hell do I do now? Ha!"
Nurse Surge: "You know, take your vitamins, don't drink alcohol, and we'll set up an appointment for about 7 weeks."
SN: "Ok, thanks."
Nurse Surge: "You're welcome. And congratulations!"

So I guess I'm officially pregnant. Not sure I'll go so far as to say that Little Flash is on his or her way because it is still really early, but it's fair to say the spark caught and we've got a Little Blast.


SN


Earlier today we had a text-discussion about whether to do the bloodwork today since basically we would know a yes or no the "normal" way this weekend. So I didn't know if SN would go get it done or not.

Later as I was finishing up with appointments at work this afternoon I left an exam room to go get my stethoscope and noticed a familiar face sitting in the lobby. "I just thought I'd come here before I went home - take your time." So I finished up that appointment and did the next one. The last appointment left and there was a dog boarding that needed vaccinations so as I was getting ready to do that SN came in the room I was in. She sat there while we took care of the dog and I took it back to its kennel. When I got back into the room she shut the door behind me and said "I got my blood drawn again after VBS. I got another 5. Only this time it was preceded by a 4." My 5:00 Friday brain took a second for that statement to register. I think the thought process went something like this:

5.4?
No she said preceded...
4.5?
Okay, but that's not anything too exciting....
Wait, 45?
Is that possible in 2 days?
Does that mean....
Holy crap....


It still feels a little surreal. All night my brain has been trying to start a list about a mile long of things we need to do or should do or could do. So far I've just let myself indulge a little bit in how to tell our families. On August 18th we're going to KC for a mass birthday party for myself, my sister, and my mom's boyfriend so I think we're going to tell my mom's side of the family then. I think the best idea so far has been to take a group photo and instead of saying "Everybody say cheese!" we say "Everybody say Super Nova's pregnant!" and then you get a photo of their first reactions. Other than that we'll have to think of some ideas.

So 2 weeks before our 1st anniversary we find out there's a Little Flash in there.... I'm already amazed at what my wife can do and this is only the beginning....

LB

Quick Update

By LB

Just wanted to update - SN called yesterday afternoon for the new bloodwork results. She had to leave a message for them to call back and they didn't before closing yesterday. So we are hoping for a phone call this morning.

Stay tuned!

Epic Fail, Mr. Schrödinger

By SN

According to physics, we've just had the impossible happen. We took an observation and still don't know if the cat is dead or alive.

As of about 7:30 AM on Monday, my hCG level was 5 and my progesterone was 5.7 - which really means absolutely nothing other than:

a) the hCG is not below 2 (the number the nurse told me meant not pregnant, although we had read it was 5 or below....... SN likes the nurses number better.)
b) the progesterone is about where it should be for the later half of any given cycle (not terribly helpful, but hey)

Best we can tell, the number itself isn't that important - especially the hCG - but the fact that it is increasing (approximately doubling every 48 hours or so.) Since it's really hard to tell if it's increasing without checking it again, SN is on deck for more blood-sucking tomorrow, with results sometime Thursday.

This actually is not a bad thing since SN's mom has the best "pregnancy radar" of any person on the face of the Earth and we're supposed to be going to see that side of the family tomorrow afternoon. Now when she gives SN that look, we won't have anything to give away with big grins or sad faces.

Just a little post

By SN

Sorry to burst any bubbles, but no results yet....

I wrote this as I was sitting in the parking lot of the lab this morning getting ready to get my blood test.  I just felt like there were some thoughts I wanted to get down.

Mostly, I am just reminding myself that no matter what the results are, I know that God has a bigger, better plan than anything we can think of. I'm also thinking of a song that I've heard a lot recently that has a line where God says, "I might let you bend, but I won't let you break." I think, more than anything, we're resting on that promise. Either way - yes or no - God will be walking with us and as long as we follow Him, we'll (SN, LB, and any Little Flash that might be on the way at some point) end up exactly where we need to be to bring glory to God.

Just some thinking I've been doing and I wanted to put it down somewhere so when we're down the road a little, we can look back and remember what God was whispering to us.

Schrödinger's Blastocyst

By SN

Bear with us here as we get a little (ok, ok, a lot) nerdy.

As we've been going through the wait this week, we have been trying to find something to compare it to. And last night, LB hit the jackpot - Schrödinger's cat!

For those of you who might not be too familiar with quantum physics, Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment first proposed by Erwine Schrödinger in the 1930's. At the time, one of the big hang-ups in physics was quantum superposition. This idea states that any physical system exists in all of its theoretically possible states simultaneously until one of those states is measured. Schrödinger thought this absurd and proposed his "cat" thought experiment to challenge the idea. Schrödinger wrote:

One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat): in a Geiger counter, there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of the hour, one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges, and through a relay releases a hammer that shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts.

—Erwin Schrödinger, Die gegenwärtige Situation in der Quantenmechanik (The present situation in quantum mechanics), Naturwissenschaften (translated by John D. Trimmer in Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society)

The Cliff's notes version goes like this: A cat, a flask of poison and a radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The experiment can be interpreted to mean that while the box is closed, the system simultaneously exists in a superposition of the states "decayed nucleus/dead cat" and "undecayed nucleus/living cat," and that only when the box is opened and an observation performed does the wave function collapse into one of the two states, that is we see the cat either alive or dead.

Soooo......

In essence, we have a cat in the box at the moment. Right now SN is both pregnant and not pregnant. Until we have an observation (i.e. a pregnant or not-pregnant result on a beta-hCG test), both outcomes exist at the same time - and our brains are pretty confused by this!